“I’m your number one fan.”

My mom says this book terrifies her, but I don’t quite understand. I’m her number one fan, and I’m sure she would love it if I took care of her and gave her a lovely room and hobbled her legs so she could never leave me.

Maybe the difference is I’m a cat and not a psychotic nurse.

Hello, everyone! This is Geralt back at work again reviewing the books The Writer makes me read. Apparently this month is supposed to be super scary for humans. I don’t want my mom to be scared, so I make sure I fall asleep on her face so she can’t read the scary words in the stories.

She just doesn’t appreciate everything I do for her, just like Paul isn’t grateful enough for all Annie Wilkes is willing to do for him.

…

The Writer is giving me a weird look.

Anyways, I’m going to review Stephen King’s Misery, a 1987 horror and psychological thriller that continues to terrify audiences. It was one of King’s only books to not incorporate fantastical elements (such as pyrokinesis or telepathy), and also became one of his only great film adaptations.

So, what do I think of it?

Quite a lot.

The Plot

The plot is an excellent example of a contained story with few locations. In Misery, the protagonist is Paul Sheldon, an author who has been restricted by his own popularity. He feels smothered by a character he created, Misery Chastain, and is unable to branch out to other endeavors because his cheesy, trashy romances pay the bills.

Sheldon is an alcoholic and decides, during one of his binges, to try and drive to Los Angeles instead of return to New York. He crashes while trapped in a snowstorm in Colorado, and wakes up injured in the home of former nurse Annie Wilkes.

The story rapidly goes downhill from there. Wilkes is unstable, fanatically obsessed with Misery and Sheldon, and drugging the writer to keep him compliant and addicted so he doesn’t leave. When she discovers her favorite character has been killed off in the final novel of the Misery Chastain series, she flies into a psychotic rage and abandons Sheldon for two days without food, water, or his painkillers.

To make matters worse, many of the keys stop working on the typewriter. The horror!

What happens next is a modern Scheherazade tale full of nightmare fuel. Sheldon must write a new book that brings Misery back to life while being tormented by Wilkes’ whims. He cannot escape, and any resistance is met with harsh punishments, including a truly gruesome hobbling and the loss of his thumb to an electric knife.

The only way Sheldon can win is by outsmarting Wilkes and using her own obsession against her – but not without losing pieces of himself physically and metaphorically.

Also, there were no cats in this book. Shame. There is a pig named Misery though, so that’s something.

The Review

The Writer considers this to be one of the scariest stories she ever read, and it’s easy to see why. Annie Wilkes is a classic example of a character who is deeply disturbed. From her first appearance, it is clear there is something just off about her. Once she doesn’t get her way, her rage and psychotic episodes become obvious.

However, while Wilkes might be the greatest villain King ever wrote, Misery really stands out for its metaphors and writing style. Paul Sheldon is addicted – to painkillers, to alcohol, and to writing. He must battle his addiction to make it out alive, and many of the events and passages in the book were taken from King’s own experiences trying to get clean.

The writing is linear but includes many passages from Sheldon’s own novels, as well as his numerous asides and memories. What the reader knows of Wilkes and the world outside is limited to only what Sheldon knows, meaning we have the same anxiety and fear as the poor trapped man.

While some parts of the book can drag and Annie seems to be a cornucopia of mental illness with no real diagnosis, this is one horror volume that will leave readers at the edges of their seats.

The only downside is you might need a trash can nearby when you read the hobbling scene. If you can make it without vomiting, you can survive the rest of the book.

Plus, the movie is stellar.

I never knew Kathy Bates would haunt my nightmares for years.

Overall, I give misery 5/5 Paws.

While there are no cats, there are plenty of feline frights to be had. Just don’t read this book if you are an amateur writer. You will be afraid to ever publish anything again.

No one leave Imboca. People come, but no one leave.

Why do you people always make me do the water ones? Just because H.P. Lovecraft had a phobia of fish doesn’t mean every Lovecraftian story has to take place in or near the sea. Well, except this one since it’s, you know, Dagon.

This is Flint, back again to enjoy the madness. The Good Doctor even gave me a new hat to celebrate Spooktober.

Dagon is a 2001 Spanish film originally released in Spain and available in three languages: Spanish, Galician, and English. As the name suggests, it draws heavily from cosmic horror and the stories of its creator, Mr. Lovecraft.

However, despite the film’s title, it’s important to note the movie has little to do with the actual story “Dagon” and is more similar to “The Shadow over Innsmouth.” The plot is adapted to fit in the Spanish countryside, and the name of the town is Imboca, a literal translation of the English Innsmouth.

Dagon is considered one of the best film adaptions of an H.P. Lovecraft story, and it is easy to see why. Despite being traumatized by some scenes, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

So just what is the creepy town of Imboca? Who are our characters? And do we get to see any monstrosities along the way?

Read on to find out.

The Plot

The plot can be hard to follow when first watching the film as there are several dreams, flashbacks, and characters that viewers need to become accustomed to. However, the basic premise is simple. Paul Marsh is a successful businessman vacationing off the coast of Spain with his girlfriend, Barbara, and their two friends Howard and Vicki.

A sudden storm crashes the ship and forces Paul and Barbara into a lifeboat, where they reach the town of Imboca. There, they find the town remarkably deserted and are only able to locate a priest, who finds two fishermen to take Paul back to the ship to rescue the trapped Howard and Vicki. The pair are, surprisingly, missing, and so is Barbara when Paul returns.

While waiting in a dilapidated and disgusting hotel, Paul dreams of a sharp-toothed mermaid. When he wakes, he must flee because the building is surrounded by half-human, half-fish hybrids eager for his blood. He encounters a tannery full of human skins and then takes shelter with Ezequiel, a drunkard and the last full human in town.

Things only get worse from there. Ezequiel reveals the inhabitants of Imboca traded their humanity to Dagon in exchange for prosperity and have become his cult. Men are killed for blood sacrifices, and the women are raped by Dagon and forced to birth icthyic offspring. These were the fates of Howard and Vicki, the latter of which commits suicide.

Trust me, it is not a *roaring* good time…

Over the last hour of the film, Paul learns he is one of the descendants of Dagon – his mother having been brutally raped but escaping – and has been betrothed to his mermaid half-sister, Uxia. Uxia informs him they must marry and Barbara must bear Dagon’s offspring.

Ultimately, things do not end well for anybody, despite Paul setting many people on fire. Barbara dies, Ezequiel is skinned alive, and Paul lives forever underwater with his sister and an eldritch abomination.

The Review

Listen. I love tuna, but Dagon has made me reconsider my preferences. This film is not for the squeamish because there are tons of graphic violence, unnerving material, and Nihilistic themes. However, it touches upon some crucial Lovecraftian literary ideas which are often lacking in other movies and even many written adaptations of the mythos.

Incest. Degeneracy. Horrifying things human and feline were not meant to know.

Luckily, it left out a lot of the nastier subjects, including the virulent racism, prejudice, and sexism.

This is the first movie we the felines have reviewed, but it is a cult classic and a favorite for the Writer this time of year. The actors know they are in a cheesy, ooey gooey film and deliver their lines with a combination of sincerity and good humor. The set is glorious in how it depicts disrepair and decrepitude, and many scenes are difficult to watch because of how horrifying they are.

Paul, the protagonist, is a bit of a milquetoast and a lukewarm protagonist, but does anyone actually watch a horror movie for someone besides the villain? He also redeems himself in the end by setting himself and many others on fire with kerosene. Sadly, it does not last.

I have also never had as much sympathy for a human as I did for Vicki and Barbara. What horrible fates. Hentai may be popular, but does anyone actually want to be violated by a terrifying eldritch tentacle monster?

I DON’T.

I give Dagon 4/5 Paws. I want to give it 5, but certain parts of the movie drag on and some of the dialogue is difficult to hear. However, and I do not say this lightly, I would gladly watch it again and again.

Now would somebody please get me a towel? And some nip? I need to forget what I’ve seen. Wait, what do you mean I need another bath? No. No!