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Misery

“I’m your number one fan.”

My mom says this book terrifies her, but I don’t quite understand. I’m her number one fan, and I’m sure she would love it if I took care of her and gave her a lovely room and hobbled her legs so she could never leave me.

Maybe the difference is I’m a cat and not a psychotic nurse.

Hello, everyone! This is Geralt back at work again reviewing the books The Writer makes me read. Apparently this month is supposed to be super scary for humans. I don’t want my mom to be scared, so I make sure I fall asleep on her face so she can’t read the scary words in the stories.

I’m her number one fan…

She just doesn’t appreciate everything I do for her, just like Paul isn’t grateful enough for all Annie Wilkes is willing to do for him.

…

…

The Writer is giving me a weird look.

Anyways, I’m going to review Stephen King’s Misery, a 1987 horror and psychological thriller that continues to terrify audiences. It was one of King’s only books to not incorporate fantastical elements (such as pyrokinesis or telepathy), and also became one of his only great film adaptations.

So, what do I think of it?

Quite a lot.

The Plot

The plot is an excellent example of a contained story with few locations. In Misery, the protagonist is Paul Sheldon, an author who has been restricted by his own popularity. He feels smothered by a character he created, Misery Chastain, and is unable to branch out to other endeavors because his cheesy, trashy romances pay the bills.

Sheldon is an alcoholic and decides, during one of his binges, to try and drive to Los Angeles instead of return to New York. He crashes while trapped in a snowstorm in Colorado, and wakes up injured in the home of former nurse Annie Wilkes.

The story rapidly goes downhill from there. Wilkes is unstable, fanatically obsessed with Misery and Sheldon, and drugging the writer to keep him compliant and addicted so he doesn’t leave. When she discovers her favorite character has been killed off in the final novel of the Misery Chastain series, she flies into a psychotic rage and abandons Sheldon for two days without food, water, or his painkillers.

To make matters worse, many of the keys stop working on the typewriter. The horror!

What happens next is a modern Scheherazade tale full of nightmare fuel. Sheldon must write a new book that brings Misery back to life while being tormented by Wilkes’ whims. He cannot escape, and any resistance is met with harsh punishments, including a truly gruesome hobbling and the loss of his thumb to an electric knife.

The only way Sheldon can win is by outsmarting Wilkes and using her own obsession against her – but not without losing pieces of himself physically and metaphorically.

Also, there were no cats in this book. Shame. There is a pig named Misery though, so that’s something.

The Review

The Writer considers this to be one of the scariest stories she ever read, and it’s easy to see why. Annie Wilkes is a classic example of a character who is deeply disturbed. From her first appearance, it is clear there is something just off about her. Once she doesn’t get her way, her rage and psychotic episodes become obvious.

However, while Wilkes might be the greatest villain King ever wrote, Misery really stands out for its metaphors and writing style. Paul Sheldon is addicted – to painkillers, to alcohol, and to writing. He must battle his addiction to make it out alive, and many of the events and passages in the book were taken from King’s own experiences trying to get clean.

The writing is linear but includes many passages from Sheldon’s own novels, as well as his numerous asides and memories. What the reader knows of Wilkes and the world outside is limited to only what Sheldon knows, meaning we have the same anxiety and fear as the poor trapped man.

While some parts of the book can drag and Annie seems to be a cornucopia of mental illness with no real diagnosis, this is one horror volume that will leave readers at the edges of their seats.

The only downside is you might need a trash can nearby when you read the hobbling scene. If you can make it without vomiting, you can survive the rest of the book.

Plus, the movie is stellar.

I never knew Kathy Bates would haunt my nightmares for years.

Overall, I give misery 5/5 Paws.

While there are no cats, there are plenty of feline frights to be had. Just don’t read this book if you are an amateur writer. You will be afraid to ever publish anything again.

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Geralt - Humans Are Monsters

Christine

“His single-minded purpose. His unending fury.”

Christine by Stephen King is one of the most quintessential horror novels, and one of the first the Writer ever read. I, personally, don’t understand the appeal of cars. Every time I am in one, I end up at the vet.

I am better than any car.

But when she saw that copy at the discount bookstore, she just had to get it. Kind of like how some poor teen named Arnie just had to have a 1958 Plymouth Fury named Christine.

“Come on, big guy. Let’s go for a ride. Let’s cruise.”

Originally published in 1983, Christine examines just how deep a boy’s love for his first car truly is, and how deep an old man’s hate can be.

We the cats had to have a conference to determine just what genre the book could be considered. On the one paw, there is the supernatural element of Christine herself, a car capable of infiltrating a boy’s brain and taking over his life.

On the other paw, there is a distinct eldritch note to the book. The car is a living, breathing entity capable of warping reality. When some bullies break the lights and front bumper, all Christine needs is a little blood and time to right herself.

On another paw, there is a disturbingly human antagonist in the form of the late Roland LeBay. Although he dies early in the book, he sold the car to Arnie and his soul is potentially responsible for everything that happens.

In the end, LeBay won out. He may be a ghost, but it is his uniquely human characteristics of violent rage and obsession which color the book.

The Plot

This story is narrated by Dennis Guilder, the best friend of one Arnie Cunningham. During the summer of 1978, the pair drive through a neighborhood and see Christine out in the yard. Immediately, Arnie’s obsession begins and he purchases the car from the elderly LeBay.

Arnie slowly restores the car at a shady garage in town, but people begin to notice the haphazard way in which the repairs occur. Sometimes half the bumper is complete. Sometimes the windshield is done. No one ever sees Arnie working, and he has started to behave differently.

He is more confident, but more aggressive. And he loves that car. Almost as much as I love my mom….

Soon, people who have wronged Arnie start dying in vehicular deaths, but there is no evidence on Christine to tie Arnie to the murders. Plus, Arnie has airtight alibis.

Soon, Dennis comes to realize his friend is no longer his friend: He is LeBay.

The Review

It might surprise some readers, but Christine was not the first story about an animate vehicle. It is, however, one of the most well-written.

This story features a lot of the signature King flair, including small town distress, emotional abuse, a dangerous obsession, and plenty of references to pop culture and music.

The plot unfolds slowly enough that the reader is allowed to piece together the ultimate twist much faster than Dennis, but this adds to the suspense.

Honestly, this is a biased review. This was one of the first horror books the Writer ever read – having borrowed her dad’s copy and read it so much she destroyed the cover and first pages of the old paperback.

It truly is an interesting examination of a poor teen’s descent into madness as his soul is slowly possessed by a bitter old man full of rage and hate. At the end, you’re left pitying Arnie more than anything, and there is a strange sense of loss once Christine is destroyed.

Like any good horror story, Christine makes you empathize with the characters, and it touches on some significant teenage themes:

  • Trying to break loose of a mold set by your parents
  • Becoming intoxicated by a new sense of freedom
  • Learning that friendships don’t stay the same after high school
  • Struggling with the reality of drifting apart

Overall, this story deserves its 5/5 Paws. And I’m not just saying that because the writer threatened to withhold my tuna if I disagreed.

Is the car gone?